New Freaky Fuckin' FANTASTIC Merch!

By Philip Nelson

You know the ol’ spring time adage: April’s golden showers bring fabulous, freaky, fuckin’ FANTASTIC merch to the ZZZ website! It’s graduation, wedding, and retrograde season, so make sure you’re the coolest friend in your crew by stocking up on delightfully kitschy, whimsically naughty, thoroughly hilarious must-have gifts.

Let’s face it - as much as we adore watching our loved ones graduate from college, marry their sweetest of sweethearts, or push a slimy, glorified alien out of their hoo-ha, sometimes we lack the energy and time to snag the perfect, thoughtful gift for every occasion. Don’t sweat your increasingly blocked off Google Calendar any longer! We’ve got you covered.For the cinephile cousin who traps you in a conversation about the downfall of M. Night Shyamalan or the brilliance of Paul Thomas Anderson’s tracking shots, snag a pair of Nicolas Cage and Christopher Walken pillows and henceforth be known as the hippest cousin to grace this planet with their presence. (Listen, we both know you want to keep the Nic Cage pillow for yourself. That’ll be our little secret. You’ve earned it.)

Not sure how to slip it to your sister that she’s not your Maid of Honor and she can’t bring that rando Tinder guy Topher to your wedding? Grab one of our “I Love You” magnet planters to soften the blow with something so adorable, she can’t be mad! It’s scientifically proven that teeny tiny adorable things make it humanly impossible for people to get upset.*

If your boss is celebrating yet another work anniversary or birthday or whatever it is they’re incessantly creating needless email chains about, and you feel the compulsive need to simultaneously impress and amuse them, grab a “Fucker in Charge of You Fucking Fucks” desk sign. Enough said.

For every season, there’s that one friend who outdoes themselves with the ultimate flawless gift. Step up to the plate, dear reader. This is your chance. Be that friend. Shop our cool shit.

*ZZZ is not responsible for subsequent cat fights involving sisters, Tophers, or tiny adorable succulents. We are not scientists.

Written by: Bethany Swoveland