What Would Prince Do?
By Anonymous Author
Look, there are two kinds of people in this world: people who worship, adore, idolize, and respect the High Priest of Pop, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince for his musical genius, lyrical tenacity, and fashion inspirations....and people who are dead to me. I don’t trust folks who don’t get down with His Royal Badness, and I especially don’t mess with people who don’t abide by the Purple One’s holy, albeit offbeat, advice.
When you find yourself at a fork in the road, ask yourself what all of humanity has pondered when faced with any kind of moral dilemma since the dawn of rock and roll- “What would Prince do?”
- When your friends say “one more round of drinks!” and you have a presentation at work at 8am.
Even though His Purpleness wasn’t much of a drinker, sticking to a little red wine on occasion, he also didn’t have much of an affinity for keeping track of time like a normal human being. To drink or not to drink - “Time is a mind construct. It’s not real,” so, take that shot like the grown-ass adult you are and get to work whenever YOU decide it’s 8 am.
- When that guy you used to flirt with via Facebook Messenger and passive Instagram likes, and who you know full and well is in a relationship, hits you with a “wyd” at 1:30 in the heckin’ morning.
Nope. Mm mm. No way, dude. Prince let no man, woman, or child sway his radiance. You do you, boo, and you do it well. Embrace your bedtime routine, don’t forget to moisturize, and leave that fool on read. Don’t. Get. Played.
- When someone comes at you with some mess about preferring the Justin Bieber “Despacito” version to the original.
Tell them that. Enough said.
- When your mom sees all of the naughty, raunchy treats you’ve purchased at ZZZ and gives you a stern “talking to” about watching your filthy mouth.
Everyone knows to replace any purchases made at Triple Z with mom-friendly merchandise before she drops by. Let’s say you have one of our fabulous “Tug on my balls” magnets keeping your Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons safe on the fridge. Swap that bad boy out with one of our precious “I love you so much” planters. Boom. Kid of the year.
Not sure how to break it to her that you’re the fucker in charge of you fucking fucks? Ease into it with a little humility by way of our world’s best entry level employee desk sign.
And, for the record, Prince cleaned up his potty mouth by removing explicit lyrics from his music for the sake of respecting women and remaining positive.
- When you spend all your money on new Prince shirts at ZZZ and don’t have enough left over to buy food.
Stand outside of McDonald’s and take in some free smells until you write your first hit record and make enough change to go for the Big Mac.
If you’re in need of a daily reminder of what his Holy Purpleness would do in tricky situations, drop by the shop or give us a call at (512) 994-8080 today to shop our brand spankin’ new line of WWPD? embroidered pearl snaps!