The Hunt for Sasquatch
By Anonymous Author
Bigfoot, yeti, ape man, sasquatch - the ways in which one can describe the infamous hairy humanoid are both endless and unflattering. The image of the mysterious, hulking creature has been engrained in our psyches with the help of classic cinematic feats like Harry and the Hendersons and the lesser-known faith-based Christian film Something in the Woods (for the love of all that is holy, watch the trailer). Through pop culture, news reportings, and good old fashioned campfire stories, we’ve all come to know (and even endear) the infamous sasquatch, but the age-old question remains: will we ever catch one?
The first known sighting of sasquatch is a complicated matter. There are legends of giants and wild men dating back to the first indigenous folks of the Pacific Northwest region, and tales passed down from generation to generation between First Nations tribes like the Sts’Ailes.* Written documents emerge in the 1920s and, more recently, in the dawn of social sharing, supernatural dating, and the popularity of found-footage horror films, shitty, low-pixelated videos and photographs have surfaced. There’s even been legislation passed in Washington prohibiting “any willful, wanton slaying of such creatures” as a felony.
For Austinites, sasquatch has been a less intimidating monster, who pales in comparison to chupacabras or Republicans, until now. Just last week, after several sightings from locals and park rangers, the Round Rock Police Department received a bizarre, straight out of an episode of The X-Files notice from the FBI - Bigfoot has officially been added to America’s “Ten Most Wanted Fugitives” list. Sightings of Bigfoot in Texas aren’t a new occurrence, but they aren’t typically this close to the capital. What can we say? Bigfoot likes to keep it weird.
Whether you’re a believer or not, you can sport a very fashionable wood ape (the politically correct terminology) every day of the week with our Sasquatch with a Wristwatch embroidered pearl snaps. And, who knows, you might even catch a glimpse of Bigfoot hitting up the shops on South Congress.